The One and Only Marathon Joke Book

Chat and discussion not related to either Marathon or Aleph One. Please keep things at least mildly interesting, though.

Post Oct 11th '09, 09:36

Now this should be interesting...

I'll be releasing the finished article, with all of your help, sometime in December. Come on, who knows a good Marathon joke?

I'll start the ball rolling...

1
Man: My friend heard that it cost nothing to raise children on Drinniol Prime. That's why he sent his kids there.

2
S'pht A: Why are those red F'lickta always so happy?
S'pht B: They lava good laugh.

3
Pfhor A: Where were most Pfhor Emperors crowned?
Pfhor B: On the head.

.K. thanks Ryoko for telling me that Chat is the place to put this. Here we go again...

Keep 'em coming!
Last edited by Dugit on Oct 11th '09, 19:59, edited 1 time in total.
Polyplicity my second (less sucky) net pack. Go on. Download it. You know you don't want to.
Marathon Aeon- My scenario in the works ~on Simplici7y

riveting six-vertice amnesty ratifications
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Dugit
Hampshire, UK

Post Oct 11th '09, 11:11

4
Why did nobody like Lysander?
He had lice!

5
Why did the Enforcers attack the poor, defensless, native species on L'howon?
They wanted a baked potato.

6
Why couldn't Admiral Tfear beat the oregan trail?
He kept trying to Pfhor-d the river.

7
Why didn't the Juggernaut attack the bob?
It wanted to be a huggernaut!

8
Why couldn't Leela communicate with the Pfhor initially, if ever?
The Pfhor used Windows, and only Durandal had bootcamp installed.

9
What does Durandal eat for breakfast?
Jjar-O's

10 (this one is from Winter I, but it's late so I cant think of any others)
Why did Zenith become a pirate?
He wanted to sail the 7 seas

11
Why did the Pfhor think he was in candyland?
He was in Eternal MKV

12
Why did Durandal really want you to mash his core in M2?
So his search history would be erased.

13
Why did the Metalloid (creature in RED) like rap music so much?
He was made out of a radio tuned to a rap station.

I'll maybe have smore tommorow
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Shadowbreaker
Melbourne, Victoria

Post Oct 11th '09, 11:55

14
How did the Pfhor fighter know he was attractive?
Bits of his staff were sticking to him.

15
What do you do if you find a green Pfhor fighter?
Wait 'till it's ripe.

16
I've eaten so much A-BoB flesh I could burst!

17
What did the hungry Pfhor trooper say when he landed on Lh'owon?
Take me to your larder.

18
My dad makes such thick F'lickta stew that when he stirs it, the room goes round.

19
How do you know you've got an idiot working on the ship's bridge?
Tippex on the screen.

20
What's the difference between Admiral T'fear and a dead enforcer?
One composes strategies, the other just decomposes.

21
I have a stuffed F'lickta at home that reminds me of my uncle.
What's it filled with?
My uncle.

22
Why did the Pfhor drill engineer dislike his job?
It was bore-ing.

23
The Pfhor had just made an attack on the humans' base. A BoB had been killed, and his friend called a medic by telephone. He said, "Help! My friend is dead! What do I do?". So, the medic said back "Well, let's make sure he is dead..." *Magnum sounds in background* The friend picks up the phone again and says "O.K., now what?"

24
Robert Blake noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the force.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

25
Doctor: O.K., BoB, I have the bad news and the worse news.
BoB: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
BoB: How could the news possibly get worse?
Doctor: I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.

26
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, an ex-pilot of an old UESC passenger ship.
Not like his passengers, in screaming terror.

27
That resort on Lh'owon was so dreary. One day, the tide came out and never came back.

28
Pfhor Hunter: I've been teaching my Hound to beg. Yesterday, he came back with ten credits.

29
Marine: I flew to Pfhor Prime yesterday!
Durandal: Didn't your arms hurt, then?

30
My old friend BoB learned quite a great lesson yesterday night. He was playing Russian Roulette with BoB, BoB, and BoB, and picked up a .40 caliber semiautomatic pistol, cocked it with a single bullet, and pulled the trigger. He apparently forgot that a semiautomatic automatically inserts a bullet into the firing chamber when it is cocked.
Last edited by Dugit on Oct 11th '09, 19:59, edited 1 time in total.
Polyplicity my second (less sucky) net pack. Go on. Download it. You know you don't want to.
Marathon Aeon- My scenario in the works ~on Simplici7y

riveting six-vertice amnesty ratifications
User avatar

Dugit
Hampshire, UK

Post Oct 11th '09, 18:21

31
The security officer was taking some R&R in between missions on Lh'owon, sitting on a high ledge by a pool of sewage and taking in the sights. He heard a Tick rustling around nearby, but before he could stand up to search for it, a BoB ran by on the far side of the pool. His pants were around his ankles and, sure enough, a large tan specimen was in hot pursuit. The security officer thought he'd have time to laugh at the spectacle later, so he jumped down and clobbered the Tick to death.

Turning to the BoB, he asked, "What the hell happened? Did one of those catch you relieving yourself on its territory?"

The BoB's face turned really red, and it was a while before he answered: "Well, sir, I haven't seen my wife in a long time..."

[attachment=3142:tick.png]

32
ESB
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underworld : simple fun netmaps // prahblum peack : simple rejected netmaps
azure dreams : simple horrible netmaps // v6.0!!!: thomas mann's greatest hits : simple simple netmaps
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irons
(.Y.)

Post Oct 11th '09, 18:45

32
Offensive BoB: A woman BoB's work is never done. Maybe that's why they got paid less.

33
BoB: My girlfriend has false teeth, so how can I know what she says is true?

34
BoB had been hired to do some welding on the camp roof, but had trouble because his cans of oxyacetylene kept slipping off the roof. So, he tack-welded them onto the roofing iron...
Polyplicity my second (less sucky) net pack. Go on. Download it. You know you don't want to.
Marathon Aeon- My scenario in the works ~on Simplici7y

riveting six-vertice amnesty ratifications
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Dugit
Hampshire, UK

Post Oct 11th '09, 18:48

I already posted #32. Let's not allow things to get out of order.
underworld : simple fun netmaps // prahblum peack : simple rejected netmaps
azure dreams : simple horrible netmaps // v6.0!!!: thomas mann's greatest hits : simple simple netmaps
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irons
(.Y.)

Post Oct 11th '09, 19:14

Seeming as I am really quite new to the internet world, I may allow 'ESB' if I know what it means... could you care to elaborate?
Polyplicity my second (less sucky) net pack. Go on. Download it. You know you don't want to.
Marathon Aeon- My scenario in the works ~on Simplici7y

riveting six-vertice amnesty ratifications
User avatar

Dugit
Hampshire, UK

Post Oct 11th '09, 19:42

a complete guide to the marathon community, including ESB, can be found here
dude, seriously. dude.
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thermoplyae


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