Cause of my behaviour.
It's just because of what I am going through right now. I saw what I did wrong the first time. I accidentally said something stupid which I didn't understand where mean. I don't know how to talk right and that's part of this drama.
And why I trolled is because I couldn't decide what to do or what to be. I thought that I would be better of as an edgy teen. But the truth is that I am not a teen and I shouldn't act like one. I'm just an adult with an unbearable depression that causes me to stop being intelligent.
About leaving the place, why would I? When I needed help getting Weland to work, perhaps the first reason I joined this community, you people helped me understand the problems. I still love Marathon and I just can't be against it's community because it's people that I can (Little how) relate to. So I'm sorry for my bad behaviour.
I still have things to do that's related to Marathon and I can't leave the community cause I do need it.
And about the website that I where to create. It won't happen because I don't need it.
I have to apologise
32 posts
• Page 1 of 2 • 1, 2
Nov 19th '18, 20:00
Screamernail wrote:And why I trolled is because I couldn't decide what to do or what to be.
I gave a speech on how to build up the leader in all of us. In it I stated that prioritizing work effectively requires culling the unnecessary or redundant tasks. Sometimes by cutting back we allow ourselves to grow with the limited tools we have available. We can get lost in the surplus of accessible tools which leads us to imagine without restraint and set unachievable goals. When this happens work does not ever become completed.
Mark Ferrari gave a speech at GDC about his 8 bit style of art and how limited tools actually forces the artist to push the limits through creativity instead of spending that time on technical prowess and getting lost in the possibilities.
I mention this because it sounds to me like you need to rein in your ideas by simplifying your immediate goals. For example, beginning programmers learn best by starting with small bits of code. As their knowledge and experience develops so does their capacity to achieve more advanced code. You can't achieve more until you become knowledgeable and experienced.
Thomas Edison said something about genius being 99 percent perspiration and 1 percent inspiration. The bigger you set your dreams the bigger that 99 percent of hard work will be for you. Start by accumulating smaller successes. If you want the website then do your research and put in the effort to get it done. Determining whether or not you want to do that is where you need to decide where your priorities are so that you can work effectively. Rearranging your work effectively does not mean giving up on your dreams. Instead it means you are arranging the necessary pieces of the puzzle in a way that will help you succeed. I think I should mention here that in doing this you will both be required and be developing the quality of being patient.
Screamernail wrote:About leaving the place, why would I?
$lave is right about there being people here who want to genuinely help you.
Screamernail wrote:I'm just an adult with an unbearable depression that causes me to stop being intelligent.
I don't know your situation but my own depression took a back seat when I had an a-ha moment where I realized my potential and knew what it would take to get there. This very much includes knowing sacrifice in terms of what desires and cravings I would have to let go of in order to grow. What caused that moment was having achieved enough successes where I owned the hard work involved. Simon Sinek has an interesting video online about serotonin and oxytocin, how they improve our mood, and how healthy external experiences ( like success ) give us those. It boils down to success improves mood.
Just think back to the last time you felt good about yourself for something you accomplished. That's what I'm talking about. Do more of that and your mood will improve. When your mood improves you can think more clearly and accomplish even more still. Social awkwardness no longer becomes a barrier but a curious trait.
Write down two lists. One list is all the things you want to do. The second list is those things you know you can do in a short amount of time. Get to it, don't be hard on yourself if you have to rearrange things, and remember to pat yourself on your back when you check something off the list. Share you successes but be humble and help others when you know you can.
Nov 19th '18, 23:47
Seconding what $lave and RadBurn say. Depression can be a motherfucker; I can say this from personal experience. The right medication and therapy can help a lot, but finding the right medication and the right therapist can both be agonising trial-and-error experiences. What pulled me out of mine were in part those two factors, but also finding good friends in real life and something similar to this:
In my case it was specifically coming to appreciate the strengths I’d developed as a writer and storyteller through literally decades of what I thought was just wasting time on forums. Turns out that I was honing a level of communication skill that few people with my specific cocktail of disorders (particularly autism-spectrum disorder, though I’d prefer if the “-spectrum disorder” were thrown into the wastebin of history… but I digress) ever attain. And I seem to have gained strengths in multiple creative media, which is a boon to the specific story I want to tell with Chronicles, which I feel will be far more resonant in an interactive medium than it would as something witnessed on the screen or read on the page. In 2017 I also succeeded in writing the greater part of a book (70,000 words) in a fairly short period of time (roughly six weeks) without particularly planning one. (It’s been on hold for various personal reasons, but I plan to finish it off fairly soon.)
Depression is a horrible, destructive illness, and it’s seldom properly understood. It deludes you into thinking you’re seeing things clearly, and it deludes you into thinking there are no solutions. It’s easy to fall into a spiral of misanthropy when you’re depressed. It’s certainly true there are a lot of malicious people out there, but depression distorts your perception into thinking this comes out of human nature rather than being learned behaviour, and into thinking that it’s the majority of people who are poorly intentioned towards their fellow humans rather than a vocal minority.
It’s important to see things as they are, but that’s not what you’re doing when you’re depressed. You’re simply descending into fatalism. And it’s easy, from that standpoint, to descend into conspiratorial thinking as though the whole world is out to get you, or as though no one means well. That is absolutely not true.
The best thing you can do when you’re depressed, for both yourself and for others, is to spend time with some close friends who genuinely support you. Online people can help to some extent, but there are things you can’t get from online contact. There has to be in-person contact. I don’t necessarily mean physical contact (although that can certainly help), but just real-life company. And if you’re bad at making friends, there are various courses out there that can help with honing the sorts of skills necessary to do so. And of course there are plenty of groups out there for any shared interest you can imagine.
I spent far too much time time on the Internet for most of my twenties and early thirties. I don’t regret about 50% of this, because as I said, I wouldn’t have half the skill at communication if I didn’t. But there’s a thing as too much, and if you go into the wrong corners of the Internet, it’s entirely possible to go down a rabbit hole that you might not be able to come back from. The Internet is the greatest resource for information humanity has ever constructed, but it’s also the greatest resource for misinformation. There are some horrifying echo chambers of toxic views out there that can effectively brainwash people, and I suspect they’re particularly dangerous for people with depression or other mental disorders. Thankfully, not even close to a majority of people who go online find themselves subjected to these, but I feel that social media (and Facebook, reddit, and Twitter in particular) has been a minefield of them. Personal contact with others, particularly with others who may not share your personal background, can, in many cases, reduce the allure of these viewpoints.
In any case, this community seems to be largely free of them, and there are plenty of people here who genuinely want to help others, which I think is a large part of the reason I’ve devoted so much of my time to this community. The fact that so many projects like Eternal, Yuge, Tempus Irae, Rubicon, and Phoenix have emerged from the Marathon community is a testament to the fact that it is, above all, a community. Products like that rarely emerge from a single creator; they’re much stronger from people bouncing ideas off each other, being honest with each other about what works and what sucks and how to fix it. Even Phoenix, whose mapmaking is largely RyokoTK’s creation, still features artwork from numerous sources. And of course none of these projects would even exist without the Marathon engine and, in most cases, subsequent development of Aleph One, which is also a collaborative effort.
What I’m saying in far too many words is that no one ever benefits from isolating themselves, and you can’t remedy that problem by pushing people away. (If I write this many words then, contrary to what one might expect, it’s usually a sign that I’m actually in a hurry and don’t have time to express myself in fewer words. I type at upwards of 120 wpm, and my editing process usually consists 80% of eliminating extraneous verbiage.) The biggest problem is that depression is a fucking liar. It makes you think that you’re better off alone, that no one truly means well for others, that everyone dies alone and the human condition is one of endless misery. There’s plenty of suffering in the world, to be sure, but there are plenty of people who genuinely mean well, and in many cases, disasters bring out the best in human nature; you see all sorts of ad-hoc communities spring up to help assist those in need. What Mister Rogers said might be a bit simplistic for adults, but it’s still a good first step: “Look for the helpers.” The next step is, of course, to become one yourself.
It’s good that you’re trying to make amends and that you’re genuinely working on battling your depression. That shit ain’t easy. I’ve been there. So kudos for that.
I’d write more, but as I just alluded to, I’ve got shit to do. Good luck.
I had an a-ha moment where I realized my potential and knew what it would take to get there. This very much includes knowing sacrifice in terms of what desires and cravings I would have to let go of in order to grow. What caused that moment was having achieved enough successes where I owned the hard work involved.
In my case it was specifically coming to appreciate the strengths I’d developed as a writer and storyteller through literally decades of what I thought was just wasting time on forums. Turns out that I was honing a level of communication skill that few people with my specific cocktail of disorders (particularly autism-spectrum disorder, though I’d prefer if the “-spectrum disorder” were thrown into the wastebin of history… but I digress) ever attain. And I seem to have gained strengths in multiple creative media, which is a boon to the specific story I want to tell with Chronicles, which I feel will be far more resonant in an interactive medium than it would as something witnessed on the screen or read on the page. In 2017 I also succeeded in writing the greater part of a book (70,000 words) in a fairly short period of time (roughly six weeks) without particularly planning one. (It’s been on hold for various personal reasons, but I plan to finish it off fairly soon.)
Depression is a horrible, destructive illness, and it’s seldom properly understood. It deludes you into thinking you’re seeing things clearly, and it deludes you into thinking there are no solutions. It’s easy to fall into a spiral of misanthropy when you’re depressed. It’s certainly true there are a lot of malicious people out there, but depression distorts your perception into thinking this comes out of human nature rather than being learned behaviour, and into thinking that it’s the majority of people who are poorly intentioned towards their fellow humans rather than a vocal minority.
It’s important to see things as they are, but that’s not what you’re doing when you’re depressed. You’re simply descending into fatalism. And it’s easy, from that standpoint, to descend into conspiratorial thinking as though the whole world is out to get you, or as though no one means well. That is absolutely not true.
The best thing you can do when you’re depressed, for both yourself and for others, is to spend time with some close friends who genuinely support you. Online people can help to some extent, but there are things you can’t get from online contact. There has to be in-person contact. I don’t necessarily mean physical contact (although that can certainly help), but just real-life company. And if you’re bad at making friends, there are various courses out there that can help with honing the sorts of skills necessary to do so. And of course there are plenty of groups out there for any shared interest you can imagine.
I spent far too much time time on the Internet for most of my twenties and early thirties. I don’t regret about 50% of this, because as I said, I wouldn’t have half the skill at communication if I didn’t. But there’s a thing as too much, and if you go into the wrong corners of the Internet, it’s entirely possible to go down a rabbit hole that you might not be able to come back from. The Internet is the greatest resource for information humanity has ever constructed, but it’s also the greatest resource for misinformation. There are some horrifying echo chambers of toxic views out there that can effectively brainwash people, and I suspect they’re particularly dangerous for people with depression or other mental disorders. Thankfully, not even close to a majority of people who go online find themselves subjected to these, but I feel that social media (and Facebook, reddit, and Twitter in particular) has been a minefield of them. Personal contact with others, particularly with others who may not share your personal background, can, in many cases, reduce the allure of these viewpoints.
In any case, this community seems to be largely free of them, and there are plenty of people here who genuinely want to help others, which I think is a large part of the reason I’ve devoted so much of my time to this community. The fact that so many projects like Eternal, Yuge, Tempus Irae, Rubicon, and Phoenix have emerged from the Marathon community is a testament to the fact that it is, above all, a community. Products like that rarely emerge from a single creator; they’re much stronger from people bouncing ideas off each other, being honest with each other about what works and what sucks and how to fix it. Even Phoenix, whose mapmaking is largely RyokoTK’s creation, still features artwork from numerous sources. And of course none of these projects would even exist without the Marathon engine and, in most cases, subsequent development of Aleph One, which is also a collaborative effort.
What I’m saying in far too many words is that no one ever benefits from isolating themselves, and you can’t remedy that problem by pushing people away. (If I write this many words then, contrary to what one might expect, it’s usually a sign that I’m actually in a hurry and don’t have time to express myself in fewer words. I type at upwards of 120 wpm, and my editing process usually consists 80% of eliminating extraneous verbiage.) The biggest problem is that depression is a fucking liar. It makes you think that you’re better off alone, that no one truly means well for others, that everyone dies alone and the human condition is one of endless misery. There’s plenty of suffering in the world, to be sure, but there are plenty of people who genuinely mean well, and in many cases, disasters bring out the best in human nature; you see all sorts of ad-hoc communities spring up to help assist those in need. What Mister Rogers said might be a bit simplistic for adults, but it’s still a good first step: “Look for the helpers.” The next step is, of course, to become one yourself.
It’s good that you’re trying to make amends and that you’re genuinely working on battling your depression. That shit ain’t easy. I’ve been there. So kudos for that.
I’d write more, but as I just alluded to, I’ve got shit to do. Good luck.
“People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.” —V, V for Vendetta (Alan Moore)
“The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist: a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain. If you can’t lick ’em, join ’em. If it hurts, repeat it. But to praise despair is to condemn delight, to embrace violence is to lose hold of everything else. We have almost lost hold; we can no longer describe happy man, nor make any celebration of joy.” —Ursula K. Le Guin, “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas”
“If others had not been foolish, we should be so.” —William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell
Fool's Gold · Last.fm · Marathon Chronicles · Marathon Eternal 1.2 · YouTube Vidmaster’s Challenge
“The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist: a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain. If you can’t lick ’em, join ’em. If it hurts, repeat it. But to praise despair is to condemn delight, to embrace violence is to lose hold of everything else. We have almost lost hold; we can no longer describe happy man, nor make any celebration of joy.” —Ursula K. Le Guin, “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas”
“If others had not been foolish, we should be so.” —William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell
Fool's Gold · Last.fm · Marathon Chronicles · Marathon Eternal 1.2 · YouTube Vidmaster’s Challenge
-
The Man - Sarasota, FL
Nov 21st '18, 10:45
Thank you everyone. I where actually afraid to fail, but not all human lives are trolls.
Speaking on trolls. I’ve started playing Morrowind on the Xbox again and came up with an idea for a home brew! An Xbox game built from the Morrowind engine and are mostly like a mix between Morrowind and System Shock 2.
An Xbox version of System Shock would be nice yes?
Off-course I’ll never be able to program the thing but I can try my hands on making assets for it. Someone else would program it while I make models and textures. How I’m to get a team is unknown.
But yeah I will not do this now. I need to practice first.
EDIT: I have System Shock 2 on the Mac now. GOG version.
Speaking on trolls. I’ve started playing Morrowind on the Xbox again and came up with an idea for a home brew! An Xbox game built from the Morrowind engine and are mostly like a mix between Morrowind and System Shock 2.
An Xbox version of System Shock would be nice yes?
Off-course I’ll never be able to program the thing but I can try my hands on making assets for it. Someone else would program it while I make models and textures. How I’m to get a team is unknown.
But yeah I will not do this now. I need to practice first.
EDIT: I have System Shock 2 on the Mac now. GOG version.
Nov 22nd '18, 15:18
patrick wrote:christ people its the chat forum not the cbt forum
Is it better to ignore than to confront?
Screamernail wrote:Speaking on trolls. I’ve started playing Morrowind on the Xbox again and came up with an idea for a home brew!
Screamernail wrote:An Xbox version of System Shock would be nice yes?
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.
Nov 22nd '18, 15:27
@Screamernail
I have this really fun game idea where I want to take dungeons and dragons, the stanley parable, the tv show perfect strangers, and strawberry jello and make a game on a neo geo using an emulator being ran on an atari lynx with firmware only written in pascal while wearing fuzzy socks.
And best of all I wanted to post my idea on a Marathon Aleph One forum because you guys can all help me.
EDIT ( insert passive aggressive comment here )
I have this really fun game idea where I want to take dungeons and dragons, the stanley parable, the tv show perfect strangers, and strawberry jello and make a game on a neo geo using an emulator being ran on an atari lynx with firmware only written in pascal while wearing fuzzy socks.
And best of all I wanted to post my idea on a Marathon Aleph One forum because you guys can all help me.
EDIT ( insert passive aggressive comment here )
Nov 22nd '18, 16:42
RadBurn wrote:@Screamernail
I have this really fun game idea where I want to take dungeons and dragons, the stanley parable, the tv show perfect strangers, and strawberry jello and make a game on a neo geo using an emulator being ran on an atari lynx with firmware only written in pascal while wearing fuzzy socks.
Sounds like a true masterpiece.
By the way, happy turkey day to the lads and lasses.
Nov 22nd '18, 20:55
I can't really help spitting out my ideas at random places. I am an idea factory.
Nov 24th '18, 20:21
Maybe the home-brew won't happen. I can't ask for help and I'm clueless about who to ask.
So I might do the things that I can do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHtpGOz0o8g
So I might do the things that I can do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHtpGOz0o8g
Nov 25th '18, 07:13
$lave wrote:that looks cool!
Thank you. It's hopefully a beginning to something.
And.. I would want to know how to change my gmail here. I've kinda made this profile out of an old one.
Asking an admin.
EDIT: Might as-well work on the assets for that Xbox game while I'm bored.
Nov 25th '18, 18:05
Oh.. Okay thanks.
EDIT: I have changed my mail. Give me a PM so I can see it working.
EDIT: I have changed my mail. Give me a PM so I can see it working.
Nov 26th '18, 04:18
Screamernail wrote:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHtpGOz0o8g
Good stuff.
I had to look up DaVinci Resolve to find out what that was. I dig that it has rotoscoping because I'm a sucker for that effect. The software seems quite capable and makes me wonder if it is professional software or just bordering it. I'm impressed that you use this.
Nov 26th '18, 06:18
I had to look up DaVinci Resolve to find out what that was. I dig that it has rotoscoping because I'm a sucker for that effect. The software seems quite capable and makes me wonder if it is professional software or just bordering it. I'm impressed that you use this.
It was free, at-least. There's a free version and then there's the full version. But I won't buy the full one cause of it's price. I can always be creative.
Nov 27th '18, 10:00
"You have to do it!"
But I don't know if I want to do it. It's so much work for one person.
"Just do it!"
Okay jeez!
I'm just implying that I am to work on a TC. Or trying to tell myself to work on it.
But I don't know if I want to do it. It's so much work for one person.
"Just do it!"
Okay jeez!
I'm just implying that I am to work on a TC. Or trying to tell myself to work on it.
Dec 8th '18, 11:48
So I have been told in "The Whole Half-Life" forum that I need to complete something. Or else I might not even deserve to ask anyone for help. It's true that I'm really unfocused on things and needs to stick to one project but I don't know which one to stick to.
I have been wondering if I should learn to make directional sprites in Unity but I don't know how. I really want to learn it because I suck at 3D. So is learning how to make Marathon like sprites anything that I might work on?
I have been wondering if I should learn to make directional sprites in Unity but I don't know how. I really want to learn it because I suck at 3D. So is learning how to make Marathon like sprites anything that I might work on?
Dec 8th '18, 15:33
I meant scripting for Unity. I can make 8 directional sprites just well but the Aleph One engine doesn't have what I was aiming to create.
Dec 8th '18, 19:13
I actually never tried the Unity forums. So yeah I'll get to it then.
Dec 8th '18, 20:17
Unity Scripting is easy! You've come to the right place! Here at the Pfhorums we are all secretly Unity Script aficionados :)
Below should be enough to get you started. You'll want to import your images into the resource manager via Unity's IDE. After getting this implemented you'll need to apply angular mathematics to relate the players orientation in radians to the pfhor's orientation in radians. The animation_objects variable sets the number of different animation cycles such as idle, running, attacking, etc.
uscript$
object class pfhor_fighter
create array image_png( 0 to 15 ) as resource_png_32
as integer ticks
as integer orientation
as animation_objects
as animation_current_frame
construction( image_png )
close object
construction pfhor_fighter
for loop 0 to 15 step integer 1
image_png( self ) = global_resource.image( self )
ticks = 7
orientation = 0
animation_objects = 1
animation_current_frame = 0
end construction
uscript# setup# 3d# billboard#
tackle.poke.64
initialize# rtfm#
import resources almanac 3d
set variable 3d
align resource 3d -> variables -> almanac
juxtapose hopes( dreams )::reality
identify truth
abort uscript$
Below should be enough to get you started. You'll want to import your images into the resource manager via Unity's IDE. After getting this implemented you'll need to apply angular mathematics to relate the players orientation in radians to the pfhor's orientation in radians. The animation_objects variable sets the number of different animation cycles such as idle, running, attacking, etc.
uscript$
object class pfhor_fighter
create array image_png( 0 to 15 ) as resource_png_32
as integer ticks
as integer orientation
as animation_objects
as animation_current_frame
construction( image_png )
close object
construction pfhor_fighter
for loop 0 to 15 step integer 1
image_png( self ) = global_resource.image( self )
ticks = 7
orientation = 0
animation_objects = 1
animation_current_frame = 0
end construction
uscript# setup# 3d# billboard#
tackle.poke.64
initialize# rtfm#
import resources almanac 3d
set variable 3d
align resource 3d -> variables -> almanac
juxtapose hopes( dreams )::reality
identify truth
abort uscript$
Dec 9th '18, 11:19
I would want something more simple. I tried with-
And it showed some but not all results.
And I didn't know everyone here had Unity. (I haven't gotten that much of a good speech skill so this reply is quite weak)
- Code: Select all
public class SpriteAnimator : MonoBehaviour {
public GameObject cameraToSee;
public Transform player;
public float playerAngle;
Vector3 direction;
public Sprite[] sprites;
SpriteRenderer spriteRenderer;
void Awake () {
spriteRenderer = gameObject.GetComponent<SpriteRenderer>();
cameraToSee = Camera.main.gameObject;
}
void Update () {
direction = player.transform.position - transform.position;
playerAngle = Mathf.Atan2(direction.x,direction.z) * Mathf.Rad2Deg;
ChangeSprite();
Vector3 targetPosition = new Vector3(cameraToSee.transform.position.x,
transform.position.y,
cameraToSee.transform.position.z);
transform.LookAt(targetPosition);
}
public void ChangeSprite() {
if (playerAngle <= 0) spriteRenderer.sprite = sprites[0];
else if (playerAngle <= 45) spriteRenderer.sprite = sprites[1];
else if (playerAngle <= 90) spriteRenderer.sprite = sprites[2];
else if (playerAngle <= 135) spriteRenderer.sprite = sprites[3];
else if (playerAngle <= 180) spriteRenderer.sprite = sprites[4];
else if (playerAngle <= -180) spriteRenderer.sprite = sprites[5];
else if (playerAngle <= -135) spriteRenderer.sprite = sprites[6];
else if (playerAngle <= -90) spriteRenderer.sprite = sprites[7];
}
}
And it showed some but not all results.
And I didn't know everyone here had Unity. (I haven't gotten that much of a good speech skill so this reply is quite weak)
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