Marathoner325 wrote:No answer. He gave an exasperated sigh. God damn, is anyone left on this ship? He thought.
But then, just behind the door across from him, shouted a panicked voice, "Don't shoot! We're coming!"
Gerald looked up with a new glimmer of hope.
"Who's there?" He spluttered. The automatic door in front of him opened, and in stepped a short, stocky man in blue overalls?must have been part of the Science Department?with pale skin and dark hair.
Standing behind him was a tall, well-built man whose orange jumpsuit was grubby and stained with blood, and his bright red hair was a greasy and tangled mess.
"My name's Harley?this is my brother, Dylan." Said the shorter man;
"We heard that this area had less combat happening in it than most other local parts of the ship, so we were going to hole up here, get some supplies, and maybe look for a way off this hell-hole and get back to the colony."
"I'm Gerald," Gerald said; "I was going to head for one of the escape pod bays, but the closest one was ruptured from the blast from Pfhor's ship that folded into the system."
He then noticed that Dylan's jumpsuit had the label "Level Three Technician" across the breast pocket.
"Dylan," Gerald said; "Do you think you could make any repairs to the escape pods if needed?"
Dylan didn't answer.
Harley stepped closer to Gerald.
"Dylan hasn't uttered a word since the Pfhor got here," He whispered gravely.
Suddenly they heard the familiar sounds of unintelligible chatter coming from the next room.
"Dammit," Gerald hissed. "Follow me."
But next they heard sounds of gunfire, and the dying screams of the Pfhor warriors. The door opened, and lying on the ground were two Pfhor corpses, with their staffs still in their hands. The group cautiously peered around the doorway. Clearly someone wouldn't allow them-self to be a prisoner to the Pfhor.
The sections in bold indicate where you are "godmoding," which is to say, you're controlling someone else's character. I don't think you realized this, so it's OK, but what you should do is write whatever your character(s) want to do and wait for the rest to react. I'd appreciate it if you changed your post to reflect these ideas.
ellio7t wrote:"Hey Marcus" said Private Hicks. "Hello, Hicks" said Marcus.
"So how you feelin?" asked Hicks. "I feel a bit whoosy" said Marcus.
Private Hicks immediatly raised his magnum to Marcus.