The Pfhorums

my advice to u: if you find yourself thinking about other people saying/thinking things about you, start drawing or adding something to your website.

i'm not saying it will "cure" anything but it might help you feel less "sick".

Well I'm currently working on World's a Toybox so it feels better I suppose. Need to give the game a new name tho. Thought about renaming it "Silence" after the main character but it feels like a bad decision naming the game after the main character.

EDIT:
Got those feelings that gaming is bad again. I can say why too.

Games tend to be really violent. If the game doesn't have any violence, it's a bad game. Good deeds spreads and violence creates even more violence. Gaming is nearly nothing but violence nowadays so that could have caused all the incidents but no one accuses gaming cause of it being fun. If it's better than the nice one then the better gets the most support. Only the strongest win.

This speech happens cause I've just seen Klaus. (Which lifted my spirit btw) I believe in good and are sympathetic myself so I don't know if I should continue making games cause of it being evil. Like I still have grudges against gaming and wanted to stop with it all too many times. But I come back to it so addiction is too mighty.

Site's been updated! Just saying.

New year! New fear!

Morrowind Let's Play available in my site. If anyone's interested.


I think when I finally release the Mornaverse documentaries I'll call the site less of a work in progress and more done. Unless something is still wrong with it?

My work on The Silence is low but I can't give up on it when it was meant to teach me passion. Really hope the 3DS last the whole year or more so my work won't be in vain.

Do someone have anything to say right now?

Sounds good! I'd love to see the site when it's finished. I wish you good luck.

Another dumb update! The site has a special video that I want to show you people.

Which is this
And what's so special about this one is that the program (Or game) was built up by me. This is the first self-made, non-modified program for the go Xbox I've ever made and I'm proud of myself for it. Even if it's just an image with a soundtrack. I would want to continue but The Silence doesn't make itself.

"I can't believe I made it.."

Good work. No matter where you go it will involve taking steps. It's not bad to notice when you step across any given threshold.

I don't think that it matters anymore if the Mornaverse documentaries are in anyway making the website complete. I am updating it with new content now and then so.. I'll take that it's already finished.

So about The Silence.. What do people here think about what was said of it? I want it to succeed on the 3DS and I have my hopes that the work will pay off. I always had this dream to make point and click games on the 3DS.

Having a point and click game on the 3DS is a good idea cause it's almost built for it.

I’m basically fighting with my own emotions and my handicap makes me ask too many unanswered questions. I can’t decide but I’m aware that I’m supposed to stop with gaming and work on other things.

Everything I hate about life is coming from gaming and I’m not enough capable of working with a game. I’m a disappointment and I’m just doing things that’s gonna bring me even more shame. Yes I need a therapist and I also need to stop following false dreams.


EDIT:
I am really damaged.

Meerjel01 wrote:I’m basically fighting with my own emotions and my handicap makes me ask too many unanswered questions. I can’t decide but I’m aware that I’m supposed to stop with gaming and work on other things.

Everything I hate about life is coming from gaming and I’m not enough capable of working with a game. I’m a disappointment and I’m just doing things that’s gonna bring me even more shame. Yes I need a therapist and I also need to stop following false dreams.


EDIT:
I am really damaged.

A big part of any project is knowing when to set it aside for a while or indefinitely. I've worked on MPDX for like a decade now, and I don't know what if anything will ever come of it. I can look at that and reflect on other things in my life that are unfinished or just drag on and on and beat myself black and blue with it. That's not healthy, but then again people also smoke PCP so we can imagine that doing healthy things is not necessarily the entirety of the human default behavior set.

It happens to everyone, we set our expectations high when we set out to do something we don't really understand completely (because nobody does from the start), and when it doesn't go quite to plan, we eviscerate ourselves.

But, I've been doing MPDX for 10 years. That's okay. It serves my purposes, and that's good enough. You can take a break, and if you're still interested later on you can go back to it and maybe you'll find something fresh along the way that makes it a whole different game. The important part is that you're doing something that you want to do, not because you "need" to do it, but because you want to. If you're not getting paid obscenely, there's really no point in doing something that makes you feel shitty. If it does nothing for you, it's not worth it.

Your life doesn't have to be about one thing. That tennis player who just retired at 32 or whatever had but one "thing" and now she's probably going crazy trying to figure out what the hell she does now. Go do something random, and have some fun. Nobody demands that you become some kind of amazing indie game developer right this minute. Do random crap and see what sticks. Don't do things that make you feel like shit. You owe better to yourself than that.

Edit: You think you're damaged, but the other day I ran into that guy who sells the Flex Seal stuff. He just looked at me, grimaced, shook his head, and walked away. Now that's a lot of damage! (We're all damaged, but unlike aluminum boats we heal up nicely with time.)

I currently did some work on the first cutscene for my game but I have the plans to read some book tomorrow. Thanks and, good that there's people who's not in my depiction of people.

Now on my website.

I've finally made the first cutscene.

Slowly. (Really hope the 3DS lasts long enough)

Can someone help me? I can't stop thinking hateful thoughts.

I'd like to help, but the best I can think to do is to actually take a look at your projects and give you some feedback, since that's clearly what you're looking for, and I understand that.

I looked at your website looking for that cutscene you mentioned, and all I found was a test animation, but that test animation looked pretty good for what it is. I still like your simple, cartoony, stylized art style, and the kind of animation you worked into it goes well too so far.

I still think using your simplified Marathon textures to generate backdrops, maybe for animations rather than comics since you're working on that, would be a good idea (and give something to continue tying in to this community). Or just a Marathon scenario featuring sprites in your character style, with those textures you made before.

My feelings got better since my last post here. (People sure are busy here) I've gotten better by taking some small breaks and my mind got clearer by those breaks. And if you wanted to see the cutscene then now you can. It's on the newest dev log there.

Believe it or not I did some work on some Marathon'ish games in Unity. They're far from finished but they have 8 directional sprites drawn by me. And if it's possible making Half-Life like cutscenes in Aleph One then that would be a major boost to my will to make a scenario. Terminals is nice still.

I don't think I can do The Silence anymore. I can't get to work on it even if I want to. I am too lazy and unfocused AND I've lost interest in it. The 3DS is probably gonna get canned when I finish the game so I don't think it matters either way. I'll remove the project from my site sooner.

Look, I started a translation project back in 2017 and as soon as I got to translate three levels of Marathon 2. I left it hooked and forgotten, I always remembered during the year that everything was abandoned. The interesting thing is that I was able to finish because people who saw my project contacted me and were interested in continuing the work. That is why I believe that the project should never be erased, it is difficult for us to get to where we are and the entire portfolio of works that we have done is part of us, even though we have not finished it. I know it is difficult to carry out a project in the long term when we have a basic problem, I just left behind a novel that I was writing on Wattpad because it started work, my children's classes, their school illnesses and a horrible feeling of blockage creative. I already left it forgotten like lots of things. I think that the best thing is to get colleagues to work, they serve as support and encourage us when it is difficult for us to get to work.

But I can't get colleagues cause of my handicaps. And when I post something here then it can happen that it won't get a reply. The game is just a simple 3DS game, something I think no one does here. Let alone have the console.

And the reason why I wanted to cancel The Silence is the Aleph One scenario I am working on. A new idea built from and inspired by Lost Lands.

EDIT:
My motivation is back. So I guess I can't stay negative for a long time then. I've made 2 images in a row recently and are hoping to continue. I admit I'm scared of failure.

Just an encouraging anecdote: Eternal spent about eight years languishing as a laughing stock of vaporware before ever releasing anything, and now it's one of the most prominent Marathon projects ever, with significant contributions from all manner of major figures from the community. You look to have more talent to start with now than I did at the start of that grueling ordeal, so if you actually stick with something, especially something Marathon-related, you've a good chance of eventually accomplishing something you'll feel was worthwhile.

Also, it looks like your screenshots above are using textures salvaged from Rameses. I was a part of that project way back in the day, at the same time that Eternal was virtually nonexistent vaporware. It's good to see that the leftover pieces of it are getting used for something.

The shapes file is taken from Marathon Lost Lands (As I said) so I myself didn't salvage them.

As I said. I made 2 area images for The Silence yesterday. I didn't think it was clear enough without mentioning the game's title. But should I still quit working on it and only work on the Marathon project? I'm not looking for fame as much as appreciation which is the reason the game won't be for PC.

I ask a lot because I don't know what's the best.

EDIT:
I need to engrave this in my mind. "Don't expect too much because you can't do that much yet. If you want to do something, do it your way." The Silence is yet to be canceled. I've come too far with a project like this to stop.

Site updated. The scenario is at the Projects section.